For most, traveling by chartered plane is a luxury, for some it is routine, and for fewer still it is an obsession.  For the Memphis Tigers’ 2008 breakout point guard’s brother, Reggie, it was the latter.  Unfortunately for John Calipari and UM, as far as the NCAA is concerned, that excuse doesn’t fly when it comes to violations.

Reggie Rose is a self described “aviation nut.”  For as long as his mother Brenda Rose could remember, Reggie would always gaze toward the sky in awe whenever a plane passed over their South Side neighborhood on its way to Chicago’s O’Hare Airport.  While in K-6, when asked what he wanted to be when he grew up, Reggie was sure to answer with “Airplane Man” and late “Pilot” when he learned that’s what it was called.

Basketball, and his excellence at it, was the key to many things in Reggie’s life.  Along with his brothers, he helped mold his youngest brother Derrick into the NBA star point guard we know today.  Sadly, stories of fame, it would be the opportunities presented by this hard work that would introduce Reggie to his demons.

From the Elite basketball camps, to the AAU tournaments, to the photoshoots for urban sports and lifestyle magazines, Derrick was needed “on location” throughout the world at an early age.  Being the age of which most would still consider a child, he was always accompanied by an adult whom also had his trip paid in full, on all those airplanes.

Often times this would be Reggie’s role, and these flights would become all the more frequent as Derrick shot up the rankings and headed towards big time college basketball.  By then, Reggie had a needed a regular “flight fix” and made sure to volunteer for as many trips as possible.

By the time Derrick decided to attend the University of Memphis, Reggie was in deep.  From looking down at the ant-sized cars, to requesting the savvy and thirst quenching tomato juice to accompany his gratis bags of tiny pretzels, Reggie couldn’t get enough of flying.  It was around this time, that it was all to be taken away from him, as he was just about to catch the flying dragon.

Reggie only had to wait nine months before he would have an excuse to fly for free alongside his brother again.  But deep inside he knew, and his friends and family feared, that he wouldn’t make it that long.  The first few grounded months were hard for Reggie, but he preserved.

His friends recounted that he would often head to the White Sox game only to find himself at Sears Tower.  From the observation deck he would feel that long since familiar rush for only a second.  He would squint to make the cars seemed ant-sized, but he couldn’t sustain it.  “They only were goliath beetle-sized at best,” he told them.  “My second favorite hobby is coleopterology,” he shrugged.

That’s when he bought the first costume.  At the time, it would cost him only sixty dollars, but later, it would cost the two universities and their athletic departments much more than that.

When Reggie showed up at Derrick’s door just before the team bus left for the airport D-Rose played it off as a gag – The big brother pulling a fast one, coming down to convince Derrick would be flying the plane only to later reveal he’d been Punk’d. Derrick took it all in stride at first of course, to downplay the oddity of his family in front of his new teammates.

When the bus arrived at the airport however, Reggie was somehow no where to be found and Derrick was a little relieved that Coach Cal wouldn’t be reintroduced to his brother.

Later on that flight, a mustachioed man in the jump seat turned around and introduced himself as “Pilot Timothy Raines,” and proceeded to glad hand the entire team and staff.  Derrick addressed him as such, and prayed he wouldn’t have to introduce him as his brother again until the NBA draft was over.

Reggie went through countless costumes (pilot, flight attendant, mechanic, long heavy box, Make-A-Wish kid) and White Sox pseudonyms that season.  He would almost always get a double take from the players, but the coaches always seemed too busy breaking down game film and devoting selflessly long stretches of crucial time to various charity projects to notice.

It is estimated that Reggie Rose spend over $86,000 on costumes and disguises that season.  He spend $3,000, alone, on a knock-off air marshall badge that said “Franklin Thomas” (a psuedonym he used four times that season). It was more than enough to travel to every game on a standard airline, much more than the $2,000 the NCAA is upset about.  But it’s not enough to match the thrill of traveling in a chartered jet and feeling the respect given to be someone who helps it get up there.

Now Reggie Rose travels on private jets whenever he wants, Derrick Rose is in no danger (from the NCAA) of losing out any of his NBA millions, Memphis will have it’s entire 2008 season vacated and Final Four Banner taken down, Calipari will be destroyed by the media and rival fans, and John Wall’s former AAU coach has been given an official job by Kentucky.

Calipari’s learned his lesson from being punished because he couldn’t control Reggie’s actions and has created a new position in an exciting and emerging market for Wall’s former coach, Brian Clifton, and every other handler of his yearly top recruits from now on: Kentucky’s Head Emerging Market Region Basketball Scout: Middle of China.

Oddly enough, Calipari noted that if that position ever actually pays off with a top recruit in China, they’ll be moving it’s base of operations to a new market immediately.

On Friday, this comment was posted to “Fans Brave Post Apocalyptic Deathtown to Support Cats”:

Please be aware that this article can easily be considered to have racist undertones.  And too, I have worked downtown for years and, while I get the humor, it seems inappropriate…like you live a very sheltered whitebread life.  Get out and explore the world and you will see how narrow minded this article sounds.

-”John From Cincinnati”

We asked him to point out the racist undertones and explain the joke back to us to make sure we were on the same page, this was his response:

I came from a small town and moved to Cincinnati with fears, preconceived ideas, all of which proved to be unfounded.  So I really enjoyed the satire (of my younger self and others in KY) with fears and stereotypes about big cities.  I love satire and enjoyed the article until things in it led me to go…hmmm…then I felt uncomfortable as I read more, then I became irritated at the end.  I haven’t responded to an article by writing back in a long time, but I just had to say something yesterday, even though I am over it now and you seem to possibly be interested in what I have to say.

What really bothered me were the examples that went beyond poking fun at Cincinnati and Kentuckians.  If the article had stopped with just those stereotypes, it would have been good fun because none of those groups are at a disadvantage and race doesn’t even come to mind.  It took on an ugly racial undertone when the stereotypes went into topics that stereotypes that are often associated with African Americans.  That’s went it crossed the line.

I have worked downtown next to Over The Rhine for years and lived in Covington.  I have never been a victim of crime or known anyone who has.  My greatest danger and fears were not the predominantly Black neighborhood, gangs of predominantly Black men and boys.  What scares me are the aggressive drivers in expensive cars that occasionally run over people, and I have had many close calls.

I have come to be friends with many non-Whites at work and through volunteer work in Over The Rhine.  None of them ever fit any stereotypes.  Racial stereotypes are not the real truth and are always a part of the problem, and to always be avoided as a matter of social appropriateness at a minimum, and better yet, out of heart felt empathy with what minorities go through by being stereotyped and deciding to not go there, and better yet, try to bust stereotypes so they some day fade away.

This article was also offensive because Cincinnati is still trying to heal from racial problems.  Many companies like mine are trying very hard to educate their employees about appreciating people for who they are, not making any negative assumptions based on the color of their skin, neighborhood they live in, sports they like, or any other racially tinged stereotypes, so we can all work together more effectively.

This article went beyond entertainment and moved into a negative portrayal of Blacks and reflects negatively on the team and school. by having done so.

It’s always better to write what you know about and avoid subjects that directly or indirectly can be associated with negative racial stereotypes.  If you think I am being overly sensitive, ask yourself, would a Black man have written this same story for wide publication?

I came from a small town and moved to Cincinnati with fears, preconceived ideas, all of which proved to be unfounded.  So I really enjoyed the satire (of my younger self and others in KY) with fears and stereotypes about big cities.  I love satire and enjoyed the article until things in it led me to go…hmmm…then I felt uncomfortable as I read more, then I became irritated at the end.  I haven’t responded to an article by writing back in a long time, but I just had to say something yesterday, even though I am over it now and you seem to possibly be interested in what I have to say.

What really bothered me were the examples that went beyond poking fun at Cincinnati and Kentuckians.  If the article had stopped with just those stereotypes, it would have been good fun because none of those groups are at a disadvantage and race doesn’t even come to mind.  It took on an ugly racial undertone when the stereotypes went into topics that stereotypes that are often associated with African Americans.  That’s went it crossed the line.

I have worked downtown next to Over The Rhine for years and lived in Covington.  I have never been a victim of crime or known anyone who has.  My greatest danger and fears were not the predominantly Black neighborhood, gangs of predominantly Black men and boys.  What scares me are the aggressive drivers in expensive cars that occasionally run over people, and I have had many close calls.

I have come to be friends with many non-Whites at work and through volunteer work in Over The Rhine.  None of them ever fit any stereotypes.  Racial stereotypes are not the real truth and are always a part of the problem, and to always be avoided as a matter of social appropriateness at a minimum, and better yet, out of heart felt empathy with what minorities go through by being stereotyped and deciding to not go there, and better yet, try to bust stereotypes so they some day fade away.

This article was also offensive because Cincinnati is still trying to heal from racial problems.  Many companies like mine are trying very hard to educate their employees about appreciating people for who they are, not making any negative assumptions based on the color of their skin, neighborhood they live in, sports they like, or any other racially tinged stereotypes, so we can all work together more effectively.

This article went beyond entertainment and moved into a negative portrayal of Blacks and reflects negatively on the team and school. by having done so.

It’s always better to write what you know about and avoid subjects that directly or indirectly can be associated with negative racial stereotypes.  If you think I am being overly sensitive, ask yourself, would a Black man have written this same story for wide publication?

-”John from Cincinnati”

This is our response:

So far this article has been read by people from 28 states (and Canada) and out of everyone, the only people who’ve found a problem with race are those from in and around Cincinnati.

No one else has raised an issue from examples of riot zones, midnight basketball and MMA tournaments, soaking down streets for fear or explosives, a blood stained river, burning tires mounds, checkpoints, Mid-American river piracy, automatic rock-salt cannons, and violence in general as being strictly hurtful African-American issues and by extension, stereotypes.

We’re assuming that most readers took what you see as inferences to ugly racial stereotypes for what they were written as, hyperbolic indicators of a “Fabled Post-Apocalyptic Deathtown” just title states. I’ll admit that we weren’t careful in avoiding racial stereotypes, but this was only because thoughts of them never crossed our minds as we were writing this this article.

For example, if allusions similar to the following scenarios were made, then we would’ve had some ugly, ignorant, and plainly dumb racial stereotypes:

• Fans fearing not being able to “outrun” bandits, alluding to African-Americans being faster runners.
• Fans fearing becoming lost in a contemporaneous Downtown Soul Food Festival.
• Fans fearing getting caught in the cross-fire of a Gangsta Rap Feud.
• Fans fearing they won’t be able to hear a free open air movie in Fountain Square because too many people will be talking.

But nothing close to those examples were written.

Instead, we took the plain sentiment of some Kentuckians being overly afraid of the state of crime and violence in Cincinnati. Then, we extrapolated this sentiment to ridiculous extents to show the problem it would create for UK and the ridiculous extents the Athletics Department would go to solve it.

There is an important subtlety in the article to note which you and others may not glossed over. The precautions and assurances of relative safety are one-sided from the University of Kentucky and the anecdotes of mythical violence are one-sided. They only come from Kentucky’s media outlets and word-of-mouth of its citizenry.

As a satirical entity, the voice of Wildcat Today is that of an embedded newsroom in the heart of UK Athletics. For this reason it is no more worldly than any of the also satirically absurd and imagined fans it for whom it sympathizes and reports. Therefore, whatever is reported as “fact” by Wildcat Today would always be taken with a fake grain of salt by any fake level-headed, fake citizen, in the fake universe of this fake publication.

From the tone of the articles, readers knowledgeable of “homerism” in sports reporting, especially on the Internet, can infer that Wildcat Today’s reporting from this skewed view of its subject matter the base layer of satire from which its absurd news is reported.

I will now explain the humor of the article to illustrate what those of us, whom found the article to be funniest, read between the lines.

No person “in the know” of the realties of Cincinnati ever alludes to or acknowledges the concerns of the Kentuckians, because they don’t know they exist as they have never actually been contacted by the University about them.

The UK officials are “in the know” but find themselves still having to give lip service to its fans by providing fake press releases, laying out the pageantry of crime projections which were never actually made, and providing fake PDF maps to demarcate fan friendly “Safe Zones” which would only exist in the minds of the fans who believed they were actually enacted.

I doubt that you missed this subtlety, but I wanted to point out that it is the notes which are intentionally not being played that allow those wholly familiar with the context UK Athletics to fill in the blanks.  To us, the heart of the article is actually the tribulations our UK Athletic Department official must face while dealing with the sentiments of some of our less enlightened but wholly crazed fanbase.

This article is not simply an irony piece of neighbors mutually misunderstanding each other. That is just a simple framework on which we’ve hung the story. Hopefully those who miss out on the juiciest humor, which is intended for those of us with the largest context relating to its intent, can still appreciate it for its grandiose absurdity.

It is a shame that your context has seemingly brought out racist stereotypes to the forefront instead.

At this point, one may find satisfaction in our explanation of the joke as proof that it is not funny. But we can assure that we only explained the joke as a courtesy to those who do not have our context to catch a glimpse of all the levels of humor we found in it. And it is very funny.

Our inspiration came from the Mad Max, Waterworld, the Iraq War, and articles about the Pope’s visits to third world countries and other post apocalyptic worlds of pop culture.

Nothing was inspired by the actual state of affairs in Cincinnati. The entire point of the article is to lampoon a delusional perception and its consequences, not to comment on crime (and obviously not race relations) in Cincinnati. To that end, taking cues from any actual events in Cincinnati would give credence to the perception, thereby making it less delusional and diluting the entire premise of the article.

It is surely a tragic bellwether for Cincinnati if even those of white majority, in 2009, whom are genuinely sympathetic of and presumably well educated on the issues and disadvantages facing minorities, cannot read a story involving these ridiculous super-crime scenarios without immediately associating the whole of them with the African-American community in their city.

As I read your baseless, gravely uninformed assumption and requisite suggestion that I get out of my “whitebread” world aloud this morning, my African-American roommate, whom helped brainstorm and edit this article, and I couldn’t help but laugh in our apartment, in the middle of one of the most diverse cities in the world, New York City, Whitebread USA.

In turn, we would like to kindly suggest that maybe it is you who is in dire need of picking up some experience outside of what you view as Cincinnati, its plights, and its surrounding “whitebread” enclaves. Otherwise you may seem foolish, ignorant, and myopically odd in regards to modern race relations to those you may encounter in the world outside of Cincinnati.

It would do a great service to yourself and your civic duty to cleanse your palette of these immediate ugly associations you now instinctively make. The basal mention of crime and violence in your city should not immediately make you think of African-Americans as it so clearly does now.

And finally, as my roommate pointed out, there is no way you should have ever associated nautical piracy with African-Americans, as everyone knows they cannot swim.

God Save Cincinnati.